Pregnancy after loss - Dad's perspectiveOct 09, 2022
** Trigger Warning ** ** Baby Loss **
These last 18 months have been the hardest months of my life. Starting way back when Laura and I went in for Noa’s 20-week scan, and hearing those brutal 5 words. This led to a series of events I never thought I’d ever experience. Watching my incredible wife endure a 4-hour labour trying to birth our daughter who had died. Spending time with Noa and savouring those few hours we had with her. Arranging her funeral. Journeying through the heartbreak with my wife and our 3yo son, who was also adjusting to life without the bump, and trying to explain how his sister won’t be with us anymore.
But even after experiencing all of that, I still see myself as lucky. Lucky I get to wake up with Laura and Luca by my side. Lucky that as of right now, we are all healthy. Lucky that as of right now, Laura is 30 weeks pregnant. Lucky that even though this is pregnancy number 7, Laura is willing to put her body through so much in the form of daily injections and endless medications, to give us the chance of having another baby, words can’t describe how grateful I am to her for that. Lucky that we had the chance to spend time with Noa, if only for a short while.
I have many proud moments in my life, but I’d say the proudest moment of my life was being able to hold Noa and walk her into the church with Laura by my side. We were robbed of many special moments with Noa, Laura did so much to bring her into this world, so if there was one thing I could do for her, it was walking her into the church. To keep her safe in my arms, with her mummy next to me as we said goodbye and lay her to rest. Even though we’ve been through so much, I still feel lucky and proud I was able to do that for our baby Noa.
I’m so grateful that I have been given the opportunity to be a parent, the beauty of that gratitude for me, is that despite everything we’ve been through, it allows me to appreciate and be thankful for the simplest of things. It’s taken time to get here, so if you’re in the throes of loss right now, give yourself time and give yourself space to feel all of the emotions, you will find a way to continue journeying through life ❤️